sexual pleasure anatomy 101
Question:
Hi Afrosexology, I’m embarrassed to admit this but I’m in my mid-30s and I just learned about the clitoris. I’m now realizing how little I was taught in sex ed and in turn, how little I know about my body. This may be basic, but could you help me understand sexual anatomy better?
Answer:
Hi love, please don’t be embarrassed by this question! While this information feels foundational, most of us did not receive quality sex ed. If we did receive sexual anatomy lessons in school they often centered on procreation, not pleasure. And as the clitoris’ sole purpose is pleasure, it has often been eliminated entirely from anatomy conversations.
So yes, we’d love to help you understand sexual anatomy better. But instead of focusing on reproduction, we want to center pleasure. Talking about anatomy in a way that highlights pleasure can help challenge shameful, embarrassing, and incorrect messages we have received about our bodies and genitals. As all of our bodies and the way they like to be pleasured is unique, one of the best ways to get to know your sexual anatomy is through Solo Sex. So throughout this anatomy lesson, we’ll offer tips on how to explore and pleasure your body.
Common Anatomy Misconceptions
While we’ll talk about the anatomy of a vulva and penis, we want to acknowledge a few points:
First, as Emily Nagoski stresses in Come As You Are, when it comes to our genitals “we all have the same parts organized in different ways.” A penis is equivalent to a clitoris, testes are equivalent to ovaries, and outer labia are similar to a scrotum. This is important because we think of genitals as completely different but there are a lot of similarities, for example, both a clitoris and a dick get erect and change in size when aroused.
Secondly, sex, genitals, and gender are not binary categories. We’re taught that if you have XX chromosomes, you’ll have a vulva which makes you a woman and if you have XY chromosomes, you’ll have a penis and be a man. But there’s a lot more diversity than that. There are Intersex people who have XXY chromosomes, X, XXX, and a whole host of other genetic chromosomal combinations. They may have sexual anatomy that is a combination of “male” and “female” traits like having ovarian and testicular tissue.
Increasingly we are learning about the many possibilities of gender. That gender is not just woman and man but can be non-binary, transgender, two-spirit, pangender, and so much more. If we talked more about the natural variety that exists in nature a lot of us wouldn’t grow up thinking there is something wrong with us because of the different and unique ways our bodies look and we express ourselves.
So although we’ll be talking about a vulva and penis, this doesn’t mean that all genitals look like these two options and it doesn’t mean that having a particular set of genitals determines your gender, sexual orientation, or other myths, like all men have high sex drives.
We hope that this anatomy lesson is not only educational but helps to deepen curiosity about what else can be explored. There is so much we do not know about our bodies. But when it comes to our sexual pleasure, we do know that there’s more than meets the eye. Our sexual pleasure is a full genital experience. There are parts of the genitals that are indirectly stimulated but bring us immense pleasure. So imagine the pleasure that awaits us when we intentionally explore and stimulate those areas!
The Vulva
The Vulva
We often hear people use the word vagina when referencing the entire genital area, but the vagina and vulva are different. The vulva refers to all the structures of the external genitalia, some of which are internal, and the vagina is the internal canal. The most visible parts of the vulva include the mons pubis, the labia minora and majora, the clitoral head, and the urethra and vaginal openings.
Mons Pubis
This fleshy mound lies atop the pubic bone area where pubic hair grows, hence the name. It is also called the pubic mound, mons, or mons veneris and while all sexes may have a mons, it is most prominent for people with vulvas.
This area is responsive to both light touch and firm pressure which can be pleasurable to explore. The clitoral muscles, which extend up, down, and around the vulva, can be stimulated through rubbing, pulling, and pressing down on the mons pubis. This would explain why some of us may enjoy masturbating while lying on our stomach or grinding. Also, as the skin of the mons is pulled up toward the abdomen, the membrane that forms the clitoral hood may also move and stimulate the clitoral shaft.
The Labia
Also known as labia minora and majora, inner and outer labia, and vaginal lips, are the most visible parts of the vulva. The labia are the fleshy folds of skin that surround and protect the vaginal opening, urethra, and clitoris. They vary in color, length, shape, and symmetry. No two are alike and they may even differ in appearance on the same body.
The labia cover the clitoral bulbs so stimulating them by rubbing, pressing, and pulling can signal the body to begin producing lubrication and increase blood flow which will increase pleasure and sensitivity. As our bodies become more aroused, we may begin to notice changes to our genitals. The labia will become fuller and darken in color due to increased blood flow. One way to warm this area up is to use a cupping technique. The warmth from a hand along with gentle pulsing, moving, and pressing of the palms and fingers can help to explore.
The Clitoris
The only role of the clitoris is to provide pleasure to the owner and stimulating it is the primary way for those who have one to reach orgasm. The clitoris is a structure made up of a head, shaft, legs, and bulbs and like the penis, it becomes erect and extends into the body. So, what we can see is only a small part of the entire organ. It is commonly said that there are roughly 6,000 to 8,000 nerve endings on the entire clitoral structure. The clitoral hood covers the clitoris to varying degrees and will retract as it becomes erect. The tissue of this area is thinner and more sensitive when dry and can be uncomfortable when touched. In order to minimize pain and maximize pleasure, use lubrication to avoid friction when touching the head. The clitoral bulbs are made of erectile tissue and become bigger and more sensitive as we become more aroused. They can be stimulated through the inside of the vagina which can explain why penetration feels pleasurable for some.
The Urethra Opening
Below the clitoral head is the urethral opening, where urine and ejaculate exit from the body. The urethra is a very sensitive area composed of erectile tissue and sensitive nerve endings. Stimulating this area through rubbing or tapping can be pleasurable for many. Some people also enjoy stretching the urethra and inserting a finger or very small vibrator. Be sure to use clean hands and objects when exploring to decrease having a urinary tract infection or UTI. When not fully aroused, many people report having a neutral or unpleasant response to urethra stimulation, so try exploring around the area before making full, direct contact.
The Vagina
The vaginal opening is the orifice to the internal vagina. The vaginal walls touch at its resting state and can stretch and expand to almost double in size when fully aroused. The first couple of inches inside the vagina are the most sensitive and contain more nerve endings than compared to deeper inside the vagina. However, penetration can further stimulate the clitoral bulbs and deeper penetration is pleasurable for many.
The vaginal prostate, or the g-spot, is located on the upper vaginal wall and has been described to feel spongy. It swells during arousal, appreciates firm and consistent stimulation, and plays a major role in squirting.
At the deepest part of the vagina and below the uterus is the cervix, which contains nerves that can be both intense and pleasurable to stimulate. Two specific areas, the anterior and posterior fornix, or A and P spots, can be hard to reach due to the cervix covering them. But when aroused, the cervix will move forward towards the belly button which better exposes that area of the vagina. Otherwise, stimulating that area may feel like an uncomfortable pressure or even painful when not fully aroused.
The Butt
The Perineum
The perineum, commonly called the taint, is the stretch of skin located between the vaginal opening or the end of the scrotum and the anus. Its role is to support the urogenital and gastrointestinal systems but is a known erogenous zone. Stimulating this area can help release muscle tension which can increase relaxation and the ability to feel pleasure throughout the genitals. This can look like gentle to firm pressing or placing a vibrating sex toy on top of the skin in that area.
The Anus
The external opening to the rectum lies between the butt cheeks. The perianal area is surrounded by nerves and muscles that are mostly concentrated around the opening and a few inches inside the rectum, similar to the vagina. Unlike the vagina, the anus and rectum are not self-lubricating so using lube is necessary as this area is more susceptible to microtears and pain.
The perianal area can be pleasurable to explore for many people but may be more so for those with a prostate. Often when people hear anal sex, they think of penetration and may be put off. However, as mentioned, there are many sensitive nerves just on the outside so gentle rubbing and massaging, pulsating, or pressing may be enough and is always a good idea before moving toward any anal penetration. Whenever anal penetration will be explored with toys, be sure to use specific toys for anal play because they will have a flared base to prevent it from getting sucked into and stuck in the rectum. Trying to push out any object that has become stuck in the anus is impossible, so use toys appropriately and safely to prevent a trip to the hospital.
The Penis
The Prostate
The prostate, which is a walnut size gland located between the penis and bladder, plays a role in producing semen. It is a sensory gland that can be stimulated internally through the anus or externally through the perineum. Either can be enjoyable and one way to explore is through gentle massaging the perineum and two inches inside the anus with lube. Some people can experience orgasms with prostate play alone while others find it enhances the sensations of other areas.
The Scrotum
The scrotum holds the testicles, which are reproductive glands that produce semen and androgens. However, they are an erogenous zone as there are many sensory nerve endings on the scrotum that respond to stimulation. Exploring pleasure can look like massaging, rubbing and holding, or lightly tugging downward, which can also help prolong ejaculation. There are also sex toy rings that can be placed around the top of the sack for a similar effect. The ridge of tissue that is in the middle of the scrotum has also been described as responsive to sexual stimulation.
The Shaft
The shaft of the penis extends from the lower part of the mons pubis to the tip where semen and urine exit the body. It has the most visible change when aroused, as it stiffens and elongates during an erection. Many people with penises share that the underside of the shaft is the most pleasurable to touch, compared to other sides. Exploring could look like firmly massaging the area with fingers, stroking, or placing a vibrating toy up against it.
The Frenulum
The frenulum is a band of tissue that helps to retract the foreskin and sits below the head of the penis. It is sensitive to the touch as there are many sensory nerve endings in that area and some are able to reach orgasm from frenulum stimulation alone. With the help of the frenulum, the foreskin covers the head of the penis when it is not erect and retracts when it is erect. In adulthood, the foreskin makes up roughly one and a half inches of skin. This area contains 1,000 nerve endings and is considered an erogenous zone. A circumcised penis will have had much of that skin removed. However, some people share that the scarring from circumcision is also very sensitive to touch.
The Head
The head of the penis is also known as the glans. At the top of the head is the urethral opening which is where semen and urine exit the body. For many people, this is a very sensitive and pleasurable part of the penis as well. Similar to the clitoral head, the head of the penis is said to have 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings. Exploring pleasure on the head can look like trying different holding, massaging, and stroking techniques, playing with pressure and pacing, or placing a vibrating toy around it. Holding or pressing down at the urethral opening can help with prolonging ejaculation.
So there you have it, sexual anatomy through the lens of pleasure. Please remember that all our bodies come in many colors, shapes, sizes and that includes our genitals. From having a fleshy mons pubis, labia minora of different lengths and hues, a circumcised penis, and more, our genitalia will look different from everyone else's. Most importantly, please have fun exploring the many ways your body can experience pleasure!
With pleasure, peace, and power,
Dalychia & Rafaella