a brief guide to sexting (Copy)
Sexting is the art of sending sexually explicit digital images, videos, text messages, or emails usually by a cell phone. Sexting is a creative and erotic way to play with others. But, sexting can be intimidating if you’re unsure of what to say. In this guide, we’ve provided some sexting strategies that will hopefully lead you and your lover to explore new pathways to pleasure.
no sext without consent
Most importantly, you never want to share sexual images, videos, or messages with folks without their consent. This doesn’t mean you can’t ever surprise your sextee. It just means you want to have conversations to understand what is and isn’t ok for them. As you talk and negotiate you may establish rules like:
no sexting on Sundays between 1-3 because I’m with family and my nibling usually has my phone
let’s text a code word like “NSFW” first and wait for the other person to say “yes, please” before sharing explicit content
let’s sext only on days we have dates as foreplay
Having open conversations about how you want to sext helps everyone to feel excited instead of annoyed by the sexts they receive.
how to ask to sext
Sometimes it can feel challenging to even bring up the conversation. Here are some flirty icebreakers to help start the conversation about sexting.
Hey, have you sexted before? Do you want to try it with me?
Can I share a sexy video of myself masturbating with you?
Can I tell you what I want you to do to me the next time we’re together?
sexting strategies
If you already feel like a sexting pro and want to take it up a notch, here are some sexting strategies to try.
Teach your partner how to pleasure you exactly the way you want to be pleased.
I want you to ___ my ___ until I ___.
Retell them one of your favorite sexual encounters together.
I can’t stop thinking about that one time we…
Explore your fantasies.
I just had a sexy dream about you. Do you want to hear it?
Give compliments.
I love the way your back arches when I’m touching you.
Ask questions.
Where do you want me to touch you first?
Describe what you’re feeling and doing.
I’m getting wet just thinking about you.
Tell them exactly what you want.
I want to watch you touch yourself.
Use gifts, memes, & emojis.
Send a voice memo of you orgasming.
things to consider
Esther Perel often says “the erotic mind is not politically correct.” We might want say or like to be called things during sex or sexting that we wouldn’t want to be called during regular life. We may have fantasies that we want to sext about but don’t actually want to act out in life. All of this is ok and it’s important to be curious instead of judgemental of our erotic mind.
Sexting may seem silly at first & that’s ok. It gets easier with practice.
Be clear about who your sextee can & cannot share your messages, videos, and pics with.
For videos & images, try angles that don’t show your face. This may help you to feel safer about someone having explicit content about you.
Do what makes you feel comfortable. Someone pressuring you into doing something that you’re uncomfortable with is probably someone you can’t trust with your sexts.
Be detailed, descriptive, go slow, & have fun!
What’s your experience been with sexting? What other sexting strategies have you used?