question:

Hi! I've never tried anal sex. I just want to know if the anus is an erogenous zone for women? Thanks!

answer:

Hi love, 

Thank you for asking! The answer is yes. Anal play (rimming, fingering, penetration) can be pleasurable for anyone! You can learn how to enjoy anal sex by testing different types of play and getting an idea of what feels good for you.

There are many nerve endings at the entrance of the anus (very much similar to the entrance of the vagina) which provide sources of pleasure. Stimulation to this area can excite the same nerve endings involved with vaginal orgasms. Some describe orgasms achieved from anal play as having been a "deep and powerful sensation". 

start with outer play

The first thing to remember is that anal play does not have to include any penetration. You can start with some outer play. Rimming, for example, is the act of using the mouth, lips, and/or tongue on the rim (anal opening). This is also known as analingus. Some people also receive pleasure from simply rubbing with a finger or licking without any penetration. 

We suggest you try some of these versions of external stimulation, to see how it feels for you before exploring further.

diving into penetrative anal sex

Ok, you’ve tested the waters and maybe you do want to try penetration but are unsure as to how to have penetrative anal sex (and enjoy it safely). 

Remember that you can explore your body with, by, and for yourself. During solo sex, don’t be afraid to play with your ass! Grab and slap your butt cheeks, stick a finger or anal toy up your anus, play with your anus to learn how different sensations feel to your body.

Ready for partnered anal sex? Have you talked about it? One way to start the conversation with your partner(s) is by exploring a sexual checklist. You can select "Yes, No, Maybe, IDK, etc." for certain sexual acts, which can be a fairly low-risk way for you all to introduce your interest in other sexual behaviors, boundaries, and ideas with one another.

Consider sharing resources that explain how to have anal sex, so everyone has the same information. This will help set expectations, making it a pleasurable experience and something you can do again and again. Talk to your partner about what feels good and what does not. 

No means no. Do not let external pressure push you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with - it’s your body and if it doesn’t feel right, speak up and slow down or stop. You can always adjust your approach or try again another time. Your pleasure and safety should be prioritized.. 

being safe is essential to enjoyable anal sex

It’s crucial that you take care when engaging in penetrative anal sex. Because the walls of the anal canal are thinner than that of the vagina, it is more susceptible to pain/injury. With this in mind, there are a few precautions to take when engaging in anal penetration: 

• Lube up. Always use lube, as the anal canal is not self-lubricating. A silicone-based lubricant is best for anal sex. It is slightly thicker so it stays where you put it and lasts longer, so you need to reapply less often. But don’t be afraid to use as much as you need - this is not the time to skimp out. Avoid numbing lubes, you want to be able to feel if the penetration is painful or pleasurable. 

• Chill out. It is VERY important to be relaxed before penetrating this area. This can be done by gently massaging the anal opening/sphincter muscle. If you'd like, ask your partner to massage your butt cheeks, legs, and thighs as well. This is new to your body and any anxiety or even excitement can contribute to your body feeling tense, which is not great for anal penetration. 

• Go slow. This goes along with being relaxed. Take it slow and remember to go at your own pace. You and your partner may be excited for this new experience and that’s great, but this is not an activity you want to rush or force. 

• Breathe. Anal sex can cause some very intense and sometimes overwhelming sensations - don’t forget to breathe through it. Taking some deep breaths will help you relax and loosen up if you find yourself holding your breath.

• Communicate. Be clear with your needs and how you are feeling, good or bad. Describe what feelings you enjoy and use words like “slower”, “faster”, “deeper”, “lighter”, “more pressure”, etc. Saying things like, “yes, just like that”, “ooh, right there” when something feels good is another way to encourage more of the same action.

• Anal specific toys. If using toys, only use toys specifically designed to be used anally. The muscles around the anus will naturally clench, which will lead to a toy being sucked inside and making it very hard to reach and pull out. The appropriate toy for anal sex should have a flang or flared base, for this reason.

Enjoying anal sex can be easy if approached the right way. There is no one way to get pleasure from anal - everyone is different. Take the appropriate precautions and be open and honest through the process and experiment. Be patient and if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again (if you want to).

Hope this helps and enjoy exploring your body!

With peace, power, & pleasure,
Dalychia & Rafaella