question:

So often I feel like I need to use lube but I feel embarrassed. I feel like I’m too young to have to use lube but I’m also working on challenging that because I’ve seen a lot of posts mention how beneficial it is and that it’s not just for older women and anal sex. So, I’m wanting to know about the different types of lubes and how to choose one. Thanks!

answer:

Hey love,

Lube, or personal/sexual lubricants are oils and gel-like substances used during intercourse, oral sex, and masturbation. They can be used to create more ease during penetration, can be added to the fingers for clitoral, nipple, and anal stimulation, and can be rubbed on other body parts for teasing and massaging.

so, what is lube?

Lube, or personal/sexual lubricants are oils and gel-like substances used during intercourse, oral sex, and masturbation. They can be used to create more ease during penetration, can be added to the fingers for clitoral, nipple, and anal stimulation, and can be rubbed on other body parts for teasing and massaging.

But all lubes are not made equally and in fact, this 2013 study showed that over-the-counter vaginal products are commonly associated with increased risk of bacterial vaginosis (BV). Choosing lube requires not only getting informed but a bit of real-life trials. Everyone has different experiences and responses to lubricants so here’s information on nine main types of lube and what to avoid to get you started.

Water-based lube

This type of lube is the most common and is easy to find. It is water-soluble, meaning it easily dissolves in water, and feels more like the body's natural lubricant. It’s typically recommended for sensitive skin and is safe to use with natural rubber, latex and polyisoprene condoms, dental dams, and silicone toys. Cleaning up after playtime is easy and typically doesn't leave stains. Because it’s water-soluble, it’s easily absorbed into the body, which causes it to dry quickly. So you’ll need to reapply it more frequently than other types of lube.

Silicone-based lube

This lube is a crowd favorite! It’s long-lasting, hypoallergenic, has a slippery texture that many enjoy for vaginal and anal sex, and it can be used with many toy and barrier materials, except other silicone items. As a rule, remember that silicone cannot be used with silicone because it can break down the surface of the toy or material. This can cause it to degrade, hold bacteria, and produce an odor.

So, if you have a silicone sex toy, it’s best to use a water or oil-based lube for optimal play and pleasure. It’s also a great option for using in water. But being so, it takes longer to wash off.

Hybrid lube

This is a lube that is a blend of water-based and silicone-based ingredients and gives you the benefits of both. Generally, hybrid lubricants will not have a negative effect on silicone toys if you wash it immediately after use. However, be sure to read the label to see what it says about use with silicone toys. If it doesn’t say anything, err on the side of using a barrier, like a condom with the toy or use a non-silicone lube. See info for water and silicone based for more information.

Oil-based lube

Oils commonly used as lubricant include almond, avocado, coconut, and olive oils. Although these are common oils we consume, it doesn’t mean it will be an easy switch from the kitchen to the bedroom, living room, shower, back to the kitchen, or wherever you get busy. What you want to pay attention to is the ingredient list to make sure it is unrefined oil and doesn’t include added chemicals. You also want to make sure that you are keeping your cooking ingredients separate from your sexy ingredients. Essentially, don’t double dip! Just like it’s recommended to change condoms when entering different body parts, we highly advise that you don’t use the same jar/bottle of oil for cooking and sexual lubricant.

Oil-based lube lasts longer than water-based lube. And because oil and water don't mix, it’s a good lube to use while in the shower during solo or partnered play. Many oil-based lubes are also safe to ingest, so if you are giving or receiving oral sex, consider using one (just look on the label to review recommended uses for that particular item). Also, being that it’s an oil, it can also be used for massages, which is great for relieving body tension and getting in the mood. Lastly, oil-based lubes are safe to use with most toys.

But since oil and water don’t mix, a con for oil-based lube is that it takes longer to wash off of skin and toys. It’s also more likely to stain, so be mindful of your clothes and using your favorite towels and sheets before applying. And, oil is not compatible with latex materials, like latex condoms. Using it can degrade the latex, making it more likely to tear or rip during sex. 

What you also want to keep in mind is that some oils will not be absorbed into the skin, so it can clog pores and turn rancid if not washed off right away. This can make it a difficult substance to use for those with sensitive skin and who struggle with bacterial infections.

Natural lubes

These lubes are made with organic ingredients that aim to not disrupt the body's natural pH balance. They will be made up of less ingredients and ingredients are easier to pronounce than other lubricants. Therefore, it’s common that natural lubricants only contain organic or vegan ingredients, but not always. So be sure to read up on the ingredients and the company producing the lube. Natural items that aren’t liquids, such as aloe vera and ghee butters (non-vegan), have also been used as sexual lubricants because they are known to moisturize and soothe skin. But, they may require extra care and attention. For example, store-bought aloe vera may contain alcohol and ghee butter may cause condom breakage. Also, the lack of preservatives in natural lubricants will cause it to have a shorter shelf-life and be more on the expensive side.

CBD lube

Cannabidiol (CBD) is the non-psychoactive (meaning it doesn’t get you high) ingredient commonly found in marijuana. CBD oil is gathered through an extraction process that involves the hemp plant and can be used as a sexual lubricant. It’s thought that CBD helps with inflammation and blood flow and some people report that using CBD lube has heightened sensation, helped them feel more relaxed, and intensified orgasms. Being so, it’s also commonly suggested for those who experience painful penetration (vaginally or anally). 

CBD lubes can be oil, silicone, or water-based, so remember to not use oil-based CBD lube with a latex condom. Additionally, some people report more irritation when using an oil-based CBD lube when compared to silicone or water-based.

Before purchasing CBD oil, we suggest that you use a CBD product that was created specifically as a sexual lubricant. There are many types of CBD products out there and some include additives and flavoring that can irritate sexual tissue and skin. So (you’ve probably guessed it by now), be sure to do your research, read the labels, and use as intended.

specialty lubes

Edible

While some lubricants are safe to swallow in small quantities, most are not. So it’s best to invest in an edible lube to use during oral play. Edible lubes can come in flavorless and flavored options and are enjoyed because they help awaken the sense of taste and smell. However, they can cause irritation and yeast infections when used vaginally due to the additive of glycerin. And to be on the safe side, don’t ingest in large quantities – it’s lube, not a go-gurt. So it might cause nausea, digestive issues, and who knows what else!

You might also consider using an oil-based or natural lube, like coconut, for oral play instead of a manufactured one.

Numbing

Numbing lubes contain mild topical anesthetics to desensitize the area it's applied to. This may relieve pain/discomfort during penetration. Based on the ingredients, it might be used with latex so double-check before applying. Something to note is that the ingredients may cause tingling, irritation, itching, or a burning sensation. Likewise, because it’s a numbing agent, you might not feel pain or intense sensations caused during sex, such as tears, until the lube (or numbing agent) has worn off. 

Warming/Cooling

Capsaicin and propylene glycol (warming agents) and menthol or mint (cooling agents) are commonly used in these lubricants. The appeal is that they can enhance arousal and intensity of orgasms. They are also easily available and come in the form of oil, silicone, and water-based lube. However, similar to numbing lubricants, the ingredients may cause tingling, irritation, itching, or burning sensations.

We would recommend a trusted CBD lube over a numbing or cooling/warming lube if you are looking for something to manage pain and discomfort or explore sensations. But if you do try it, check out reviews and rub a small amount on your skin first and see how you feel. Keep in mind that sexual tissue is very different (more sensitive) than external skin. So just because it didn’t irritate your wrist, for example, does not automatically mean it will not cause discomfort or pain.

what to avoid

We are in a do it yourself (DIY) and save money era and many people are exploring ways to make their own soaps, body butter, and lubes. So we don’t want to dissuade you, we want you to be informed so that your concoction brings you pleasure and not pain. And if you are choosing something in the store, we want the same thing for you! So, here are a few ingredients to avoid:

• Parabens: Parabens are preservatives typically found in personal care and pharmaceutical products to increase shelf-life. But the general consensus is that they shouldn’t be used because they are absorbed into the skin and stay in the body tissue and fluids. Some studies suggest that they disrupt the endocrine system and cause cancer. Many manufacturers have moved away from using it as an ingredient and will include labeling stating their item is paraben-free. 

• Petroleum and mineral oils: Ignore the porn scenes showing the use of bottles and bottles of baby oil, because you want to avoid anything with mineral oil. Baby oil can increase the risk of bacterial vaginosis, it’s hard to wash off, and it cannot be used with condoms and sex toys. Likewise, never use petroleum jelly, i.e. Vaseline, as a lubricant. Though it is moisturizing, it is greasy and sticks to everything. It isn’t safe to use with condoms and also increases the risk of bacterial infections. 

• Glycerin: is commonly added to skin products because of its humectant properties, which means it pulls moisture from the body. It works well for lotioning dry skin because it adds moisture. But for already moist areas, it will draw moisture out, which can damage cell walls, increase the risk of anal and vaginal irritation, and increase the risk of infection and the transmission of STIs. It’s a common ingredient in lube but there are plenty of brands that do not use it.

can saliva be used as lube?

A common practice for adding lube in a pinch is to just use a little spit. What could be the problem? It's natural and organic, isn’t it?

Well, it is made up of mostly water. But, like water-based lube, that means it quickly absorbs into the skin and will dry quickly. It also won’t have the slip that a sexual lubricant does. Also, saliva holds a lot of bacteria that can cause strep throat and fungal infections which can increase risk of yeast and bacterial infections for those with a vagina. And if there are any open cuts in the mouth, saliva can aid in the transmission of STIs. Also, imagine if you’ve just eaten and there are traces of food in the saliva? Sounds like an infection in the works. But we know that some people will use it as lube just might not be fully accessible to all, so make sure the person doing the spitting isn’t sick and that they give their mouth a good rinse (hold the mouthwash, please) before they spit on it.

a quick note on vaginal moisturizers

As stated, lubes reduce friction and add moisture immediately so that sex is more comfortable and pleasurable. Most importantly, sexual lubricants are applied for/during sex. But if you are experiencing vaginal dryness and discomfort in general, not related to sexual activity, a personal lubricant is not what you are looking for. Sometimes vaginal tissue can thin or lose natural lubrication due to low estrogen levels from menopause, cancer treatments, and childbirth. So for the treatment of vaginal dryness, vaginal and vulvar, moisturizers are used a few times a week to rehydrate vaginal tissue and increase elasticity.

Being that both lubricants and moisturizers can be found in a general store, are stocked in the same area, and can be labeled similarly, it’s important to read the labels and purpose of use to ensure you are buying what you actually need. 

We hope this helps you find the lube of your sex dreams. The next time you’re at the grocery store or pharmacy, browse through the intimate aisle and see what they have to offer. You can also visit a local sex shop or search online to see if you can snag a few samples before committing to a larger bottle.

With pleasure, peace, and power, 
Dalychia & Rafaella